This morning you almost ran me over for the second time at the intersection of Thorpe and Loveday, yesterday morning in a space of less than 10 metres you flickered your lights 3 times, you hooted twice and showed me the finger.

Taking into account that this morning I was crossing the street at 7:55am I can only assume that you were late for work and this warranted the release of your inner bitch, this morning after almost running me over, in your haste to be the big bitch, you almost rammed into the red Isuzu bakkie in front of you at the three way intersection, I didn't get a chance to get your number plate as I was  running for my life on both occasions to get to the other side but I saw your ridiculous bitch face spewing out expletives as if you were a rabid dog in a DMX song, what were you saying to me that was so important for you to momentarily take your attention of the road and almost hit the bakkie in front of you? I am sure you carry a lot of tissue in your car to wipe away the road rage foam from your mouth everyday. 

With all that said, I want to arrange an appointment to meet you so that we can discuss your dirty mouth, I think this may be the intervention you require before somebody kills you one of the days, My name is Sagren Moodley and my email is *******@*****.com, I look forward to your reply and if you choose not to reply, please write your reponse on a blank page or on the lines provided.

Letter delivered to the windscreen of the Foaming bitch.

The ergonomics of good workspace is very important when creating a conducive work environment, with this in mind u and myself embarked on a mission to find the perfect desk. We had very little to benchmark the perfect desk except that it needed to be a desk. We scouted around the China Town Complex in Bruma a week before purchasing the desk, this week gave us comfort as we acknowledged that we made an informed decision based on the 7 day cooling off period when making any impulsive decisions, that and the fact that the manager of the store (Tec Turbo) was a Chinese female Gargamel who only knew two English words “NOH DEESCOUNT” which really doesn’t help with her customer rapport.

The desks are computer desks, one with a supported drawer and the other with a free standing drawer, both of them came packaged in a box weighing approximately 35kg distributed over a rectangular surface area potentially making it twice as heavy. From the diagrams provided the assembly process was a long and difficult one, with only two diagrams of the completed desk and a legend for all of the packaged screws, this made for one of the most tedious processes of assembly ever.

The first desk took me 9 hours to assemble on Saturday and drove me to the point of madness where I started repeatedly saying Malungela Boy (a field reporter from radio 702). So after learning my lesson from the first desk, The second desk took me 10 hours, I passed out twice, cut my right thumb, watched idols for an hour, assembled it 3 times and disassembled it twice.

Assembling a desk requires good motor sensory and cognitive abilities, I think a good warm up is required before embarking on such an endevour, I recommend trying to complete a rubiks cube. As there is no prescribed time for how long it takes to completely assemble the desk, there is no telling how long you will feel like a useless arsehole.

The cold has amplified the pain in my gluteus medius muscle and my knees are still hurting, the desks have violated me. With that said, I strongly suggest buying a pre-assembled desk and paying whomever you choose to buy it from the necessary delivery costs, I wish the pain of assembling a thousand desks onto my worst enemy.